The Good News about Disappointment with God

We’ve all had disappointment with God, at least in small ways, but quite possibly in big ways. Like disappointment that God did not work something out that was important to you. Maybe he didn’t heal your illness, or a family member’s illness. Maybe he didn’t heal your marriage which you had prayed hard and long about. Maybe you just don’t feel his presence in your life.

The good news is that the disappointment you feel is probably a prodding for a very different kind of relationship that he wants with you.

A whole lot of people have disappointment with God. It’s likely the reason why a lot of them leave the faith. Others unconsciously leave active belief in God, but they still go through the motions of being a Christian.

Why does this happen? There can be multiple reasons. The one I’ve heard the most from people (including many people going through Divorce Care) and experienced myself, is that God didn’t fix the really bad things that were happening.

I think we don’t really understand the world we live in. When sin came into the world, it infected everything. Scripture says Satan is the “ruler of this world.” Life is hard. It may appear that some people don’t experience that. However, we don’t see what is hard in their life because we all tend to wear masks.

Consider people – including Christians – in 3^rd world countries. They may barely be getting by, with very limited shelter, terrible heat or cold, disease, etc. And yet many of them, especially the children, can be very happy. We American’s are usually way better off, but because we have much greater expectations, our minds make us unhappy with circumstances that a 3^rd world person would love to have.

Does God not love those people who suffer with really tough circumstances in other countries or our country? Of course he does! God doesn’t promise a lack of bad circumstances. Scripture says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust.

Scripture talks about the analogy of God as our Father – not a fallible human father but the best kind of father. He is very loving and wants us to grow up to be healthy responsible adults. Like any good father, his love does not mean he is trying to meet our desires all the time. If we keep running into the street as a child or touching hot stoves, he’s going to discipline that. As we grow older, even if we scream for him to solve our problems, he isn’t going to do that when he knows we need to grow more responsible. When we become teenagers and insist on all sorts of privileges or things we want, he is not going to become our enabler. He does all this because he loves us and wants us to be the best person we can be, someone who can face all sorts of circumstances that come our way and grow from them.

He also wants a close, growing relationship with us, and be constantly producing ‘fruit’ as he described in his story about the vine (John 15:1-11). And he really wants us to grow to “love him with all our heart, mind, and soul.” This requires him to be the center of our life. That is a huge commitment. It is very hard to make that commitment if you think your agenda for your life is better than his. How’s that working out for you? God has a much better plan for your life than your plan. He promised a “rich and fulfilling” (abundant) spiritual life (John 10:10). Even when tough circumstances come, God can use them to make you a better person and draw you closer and closer to him.

I’ve experienced this for myself. I’ve been a Christian since I was 9, and an ‘active Christian,’ but it all changed when I went through a divorce after years of working on it and praying about it. I almost lost my faith. I cried out to God in desperation from the emotional pit, and he began showering me with love. I lost my sense of entitlement and felt so much joy at his presence and love for me. Over weeks, months, and years – to where now, even with really tough physical circumstances – I keep feeling closer to God. I am even a mentally healthier person. Where I used to have things like Chronic Anxiety Disorder, be excessively concerned about what others think of me, and didn’t love myself, I no longer feel that. Prior to all of this, I never could honestly say I loved God, but now I can.

Not many will go down the route I did, but I am convinced that he wants everyone to experience being an active part of the vine and growing in loving God with all our heart, mind, and soul. Every ‘bad’ thing you experience in your life is not a reason to have a lesser life, but is building the great you God wants you to be – if you let him.

-          Mark

Does God Ask Too Much?

It tends to baffle us why God would ask Abraham to sacrifice his son, even though at the last second he stopped him.

Along similar lines, Jesus told his disciples that they could not be his disciples unless they hated their family (Luke 14:26). Again, it's hard for us to understand. For sure he is using a bit of hyperbole, which Jesus sometimes does to drive home a point, but he is also making a very strong point – love your family but never let them keep you back from doing what he asks of you.

I think there is an application for all of us in these stories. Following God & Jesus cannot just be a part of our life priorities. Consider his number one commandment: “Love God with all your heart, all your soul, with all your mind.” I along with a lot of Christians, didn’t really take it too seriously because how do you really love God? Our intellect mind is what we assume this is all about, but what about “all your heart, all your soul”? The heart indicates a feeling level. The soul means something that even many Christians don’t really consider, other than, ‘it’s what takes us to heaven.’ The Soul is the deepest part of us. It’s that part of us that God designed which only he can fill. We have a deep longing in there, which we typically try to fill with relationships with others but like ourselves, others are sinners, and will fail to achieve what our soul seeks. Jesus finishes this commandment passage by saying “The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” That means they are central to what God and Jesus are all about. In other words, we have to take this scripture very seriously. To love God, with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind, no longer allows us to make God a part of our lives. He has to be the central priority of our lives. God is a jealous God, he doesn’t like other ‘gods’ seriously competing with him. For example, he says “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” Money was noted, I believe, because materialism is one of the biggest temptations we face. But it’s not the only one by any means. Another high one is spouse, children, family or someone else. In retrospect, even though I was an ‘active’ Christian for many years, I made my spouse the center of my life, expecting her to fill my longing. So, when that relationship deteriorated and I lost it, I was deeply devastated. So back to when God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac and what Jesus said about hating your family. He is saying, “Compared to me being the center of your life, these have to be relatively unimportant. You have to be willing to do anything I ask.” This is a hard saying by our normal value system. Fallible human beings cannot and will not meet our longing forever. We are all broken and sinful individuals. Plus, it is not healthy to put that soul expectation on another for long. It can cause heartbreaks on both sides. I’ve seen scores of broken-hearted DivorceCare participants who become disillusioned with God after the breakup of their marriage because he allowed it to happen. Some may even leave active faith. On the other hand, there’s a good aspect to that failure, because it can cause people to rethink who God is. I’ve seen some DivorceCare people, realize they needed to re-calibrate their view of God from one that serves our agenda to one where we make him the love center of our lives. That has been my life-changing experience. The key thing is God’s agape love. He knows what we need most. He wants what’s best for us. We have to learn to trust in his love for us. He is ‘our father.’  Like any good father, he wants us to learn what is good and avoid what is wrong. We have to grow beyond being baby Christians, demanding that he do what we want. He wants to develop us into good, healthy, loving human beings with a love relationship centered on him.

Jesus’ family at one time insisted that he had gone crazy and needed to be reigned in. At that stage, Jesus made it clear that he wasn’t reliant on them. And only later did they come back, believing in him. We can’t take responsibility for the choices of our spouse, children who beyond the age of our responsibility, or others. That is between them and God. We need to show healthy love for them which includes not trying to interfere with what God is currently or will do in them.

The world is plagued by the results of the introduction of sin in the world. God isn’t a God that is making the circumstances better for Christians all the time, even if caused by the consequences of other people’s sin. The rain falls on the just and the unjust. He may answer some prayers our way, but he doesn’t put us in a bubble where we don’t suffer from the broken world. Nevertheless, he intends for those bad things to help us become better persons and Christians. Not just for this year, but for the rest of our lives. He wants us to grow all the time in relationship with Jesus and growing more and more ‘fruit’ (John 15:1-11) which includes love and joy. Despite bad circumstances that may come, he still wants us to find a “rich and satisfying life” in him (John 10:10). It won’t happen overnight. It’s through seeking him deeply and testing his ways more and more that you will begin to trust him. -Mark

Is Your Relationship with God Transactional Or is it One of Delighting in Him?

There has been a growing problem with American Christianity starting 200 years ago as America grew more prosperous. The problem is that many Christians have increasingly sought a transactional relationship with God rather than delighting in God. Transactional Relationship

Commitments	Expectations
I said the right words about becoming a Christian	Guaranteed eternal life in heaven.
My choice to accept Jesus as my savior	There is not a whole lot else that I have to do
I go to church regularly	I will become a good happy person like the other people who are in church.
Try to follow all the ‘rules’ of the Christian life	A life that is better than non-Christians’ lives
Make some sacrifices in my life because of my belief in God	God is going to protect me from bad circumstances
I make Jesus my savior	I won’t have to struggle with evil tendencies in myself

Delighting in God

Commitments	Expectations
Put God at the center of life. Make God not just my savior, but the actual Lord of my life	Grow in my love with God and for others
Seek an active, growing relationship with Jesus	See more 'fruit of the spirit' in my life
Study scripture deeply, talk to God often, fellowship with fellow Christians, and show his love for others	Get to know God better and his voice and will separate from my own thinking.
The more difficult the circumstances, the more I need to seek a closer relationship with God	More comfort and contentment from a relationship above circumstances
Do these things	Have more delight in God through the rest of my life

-          Mark